Monday, December 10, 2007

Two Dykes Walk Into a Southern Baptist Church . . .

My Karma is not working with me of late. Kind of. Let me tell you all why:

On Thursday, I excitedly purchased a replacement whole house water filter because our current filter has reached maximum mileage and is leaking. As with all 60's era homes in Longmont, we have a crawl space, and have to crawl to get to the pipes and the furnace. In dirt. In a very small space. My task was to crawl under there and replace the unit, wham, bam, thank you . . . Sam. My plan was to complete this task on Saturday afternoon when Sly B got home from working (I'm taking a 3-day weekend, she is working on Saturday; I have a bad back and don't crawl when I'm home alone; I have thought this through, damnit). So on Friday, it starts snowing. A lot. By Saturday morning, it's 12 degrees outside, and we have a few inches on the ground. It was so cold Saturday morning that Sly B couldn't get the doors open on the car because they were frozen shut. By the time Sly B gets home, it is snowing like crazy. We ended up with about 6 inches on Sunday morning. Obviously, I didn't get under the house.

On Sunday, Sly B and I decided (and I drive the poor woman nuts with my hashing and rehashing of THE PLAN for any given day -- she is saint) to shovel the snow, fix the water filter, and do our weekly grocery shopping. The order of those tasks was the subject of much debate both in my own mind, and out loud (a saint, I tell you). We ultimately decided to shovel, shop, and fuck the plumbing in favor of placing a bucket under the drip until it's warmer. Good plan, right?

So here we go, out to shovel. We shovel, shovel, shovel. I pick up 4 newspapers that have accumulated under all that snow, and pitch them in the house, and shut the goddamn door behind me, locking us outside with no keys, phones, or money. At first, I didn't say anything -- just looked at Sly B, hoping that she had some keys in her pocket . . . guess whether she did. Also, Riotrant has a key . . guess whether I know her phone number. Also, we have a spare key that we store outside in case we ever get locked out . . . guess where it was.

We tried several things, including breaking in through an unlocked, but blocked, window. We decided to hike it to 7-11, approximately 5 blocks away, to use a pay phone. Remember, it's VERY cold. We begin our hike, and make it 2 blocks when we decide to try our neighborhood church where all the little kiddies are gathering for Sunday school. They let us, albeit with great suspicion, use the phone and phone book. We call a locksmith. We get inside. We're $65 poorer, but we are INSIDE.

In the end, all's well. Sly B and I had a fantastic day together, and appreciated the warmth inside much more after the event than before it. Though I still contend there is something to this Karma thing -- when I got up this morning, my car didn't start. The nice AAA man just left after jumping my battery, so I can't complain too much, but sheesh!

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