I'm the type of person who hates wasting time (unless I'm doing it sitting in front of good TV). I like to understand why I'm doing something, and what my role is in a larger context. I don't mind being a cog in a bigger machine, as long as I understand and can get behind the machine's purpose.
My position at a company that shall remain nameless here could be categorized as middle management. I supervise too many people, have way too much work for one person, and am often brought into the loop about issues that are way beyond my pay grade and with information that I would rather not have. I continue to work hard, though, because the no-name company helps kids stay out of prison, in an increasingly roundabout way.
As companies will do, no-name has grown and changed, and is no longer the place at which I started working 7 1/2 years ago. We're a big company now with a different focus, different leadership, and more people. With that comes good and bad. Lately, the bad far outweighs the good. I'm finding no team focus, no clear message from management, preferential treatment for a bunch of spoiled sales people, and daily frustrations. On Friday, I would have packed up my desk and went on home if I could have afforded to do so. I was so frustrated that I actually cried in a meeting with my boss, and her boss. Today, things look about the same, but my reactions to the crap are more controlled. I'm losing sight of the "why" in my job, though, and finding my impact on those kids who, without us, will be headed straight for prison less and less direct.
All that being said, I have realized a few things today as I continue to try and refocus on those kids, and the value of what I do every day at this frustrating job. They are: 1) I can control my reactions, 2) I own the information these dysfunctional bosses are giving me -- it's mine to do with as I see fit, 3) This is, at the end of the day, just a job -- I can leave it for another one if I can't handle it, and 4) The thing to always do is surround myself with my betters, and learn from them -- there are some great people here, and I should stick with them.