I Hate Being Disappointed

Back in the day, when I was a student and very engaged in academia and intellectual pursuits, I really appreciated the work of sexpert/educator Susie Bright. I thought that she brought tons of great stuff to feminist studies, and provided an alternative to all of the anti-sex junk that's out there.

I was really excited to learn that Susie B. was doing a podcast, called "In Bed With Susie Bright." I thought that it would be fun and thoughtful. The podcast is not free, but I had some extra audible credits, so subscribed. What the heck, right?

I was not impressed with the first few episodes. I found them a little dry and boring, but thought it was okay. Then, the third episode I listened to turned me off forever. Susie interviewed a man who wrote a book called (I think - her website wasn't easily navigated, so I couldn't find it) "Everybody Must Get Stoned" about sex & drugs in rock & roll. Sounded like an interesting bio book about the exploits of Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger, etc.

What really turned my stomach was the direction Susie took the interview. She and the author wanted to talk about how fantastic drugs like heroin, crack, and meth are when used as sexual aides. And that we've all been damaged by drug abstinance education in school -- using heroin recreationally does not an addict make. And how Amy Winehouse might look like a burn-out, but she's probably a tiger in the sack because of all the coke.

I can appreciate, in theory, the wild shit we do when we're under the influence. I think it makes for great stories. I can also find a book about the wild shit rock stars do under the influence interesting. What I don't find amusing is the advice like: attend "drug & sex" parties just to try it, and "try heroin" at least once, and "crack really makes you horny - try it."

I'm getting pissed just thinking about it. Unsub, stat.

Long Time, No Random

• We bought and watched BSG: Caprica. I LOVED it. I would recommend it as a nice stand-alone prequel to BSG, or even a stand-alone movie. It reveals the origin on the Cylon, and explains why they do what they do. I look forward to the series. Also, I love Esai Morales.

• Despite the smartest chicks I know telling me to watch Grey Gardens (the HBO movie), I haven't done it yet. We will catch it this weekend when my mom-out-law is here.

• Evil, Inc. is so very evil.

• CUNY Staten Island tried to censor a production of Holly Hughes' play The Well of Horniness. What year is it?
  

Dear Everyone Redux

Since I'm in a piss-poor mood today, after a piss-poor day at work, I might as well launch into a topic that I've been marinating for a week. If you follow any SciFi/Fantasy writers' blogs, you have probably seen at least a reference to what is being called RaceFail '09. I won't do a good job of summarizing what all has happened, so I'll direct you here instead.

I am not going to comment directly on RaceFail. I am not a writer, and I don't know enough about the genre to make any informed comment about the representation of the Other as a whole within it. What I would like to talk about briefly - at least tonight - is the yucky feeling I get in my gut when I see white liberals shut down a discussion about race using all the textbook tactics that white privilege allows us.

About a year ago, I write a post about white privilege, and I think it's time to revisit the topic.

White people:

1) Discussions about race are not always personal, nor a comment about your unique story. Talk less, listen more.

2) John Scalzi posted this bingo card recently, which I've seen lots of, and find helpful. Keep a copy of this. Before you enter a conversation about race (which you should do, without fear), study the cells on the card. If you go any of these places, you might want to give yourself credit for being able to go a little deeper, and try it out.

3) We live in a racist society. To claim we aren't the products of said society is disingenuous.

4) We are stopping the race conversation. Over and over and over again, we stop it. We have got to have this conversation.

I might come back to this. Right now I'm exhausted.

Yep

Sly B. and I filled out our mail-in ballots tonight. It was a huge one this time - lots of amendments in Colorado this year, including one that would define a fertilized egg as a human being. Whew.

Oh, and:I know some righteous feminists out there don't like this poster, but I think it's great. It's a redux of a Joan Baez cover. I don't think that it sinks the women in the poster down to being able to influence only by what's between their legs. I think just the opposite, actually.

Random

• Why aren't the tomatoes red yet?

• We had a good visit with my parents this weekend. They are shocked by my brother's treatment of them, but we still ended up having a great time. We played one of our favorite board games, Sequence, and were spanked by the old folks. Rematch in 2 weeks.
  

• Why do some people believe that others are lucky, or have it easy? I think it's like Harvey Dent says: you make your own luck.

• I am full-on hooked on the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. I'm currently reading #6. These are really fun books.

• I'm listening to Lord of Chaos, which is Book 6 in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. I just heard something really important that I missed on the first read. These are great books and I'd recommend them to anyone.
  

• The Angie Zapata murder in Greeley, CO is really sad. If you haven't heard the story, a trans woman was beaten to death by a man who grabbed for her genitalia and discovered her penis. Anything I could say about how the case is being handled has been said better here. It's not easy to be queer right now.

• Severe rain and thunderstorms are predicted for tonight in the Denver-metro area. Bring it on! Our grass needs a drink.
  

This & That

• I wrote earlier here that I loved Twitter. I have lost my love. The social networking site seems to be a place for very minor new media celebrities to talk rudely to their fans, and to "tweet" an endless barrage of masturbatory drivel. Totally uncool. I still pop in occasionally to read what a few friends have to say, and to catch up on Warren Ellis and Wil Wheaton, who are very fun to follow. Now that I think about it, I think maybe I should go in and clear out the list of who I follow to just include that group.

• Evil, Inc. sucks so hard. Today I spent an hour in a meeting with my betters planning for something that will never happen. By salaries, the meeting cost the company approximately $5,000. I answered for the 800th time in that meeting what I "felt" was going to happen with revenue. Honestly douchebags, I "feel" like you don't pay me enough money to answer that question.
  

• Last night, we watched the premier of Weeds, which we enjoy a little in spite of the racism and crappy plastic surgery, and Secret Diary of a Call Girl, which I'm not too sure about yet.

• The gay marriage thing in California is a bummer. On the one hand, I am super happy for queers who want to get married -- go crazy. On the other hand, look at the bigots crawling out of the woodwork now. Please, please Obama, don't say something homophobic. I know you're going to have to take a position on this, but don't go all Bill Clinton in '92 on us. Do ask; DO tell. I found out today that an online buddy thinks that gay marriage is "nonsense." I was disappointed. I did not engage. He said so respectfully, and I respectfully decline to comment.
  

• Tonight, we're going to watch last night's Bones rerun. Love that show. Don't know why we stopped watching it late in season 1. David Boreanaz could investigate my crime scene any day.

• The yummy Avery beer I was too lazy to look into last night is their 14er. It's yummy. 9 out of 10 nipples. Try some if you can find it. It's a nice malty fizzy with a little bit of substance behind it. I call it a good summer beer.

• I just started reading Grave Peril, Book 3 in Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series. These books are addictive. I can see myself in the imperfect Harry, and love him for it.

• Deadpan is the mother fucking way.

• Sly B gave me an early (by 10 days) birthday present tonight. It's a pound of 100% pure Kona coffee. Very decadent. Tomorrow morning, we're gonna breakfast like Brad and Angelina, okay love? Included in the package was a gorgeous coffee mug that I'll try to snap a picture of and post here later on.
  

On Being Together

First - new color. Whatcha think?

Okay, now down to business. I've been ruminating a bit on what it means to be in a couple. I, of course, can't marry Sly B in this great state of Colorado and likely wouldn't if it was allowed. We could run to California like a lot of other queers and have a ceremony there, but just aren't interested in the institution of marriage. I have to admit, though, that when California legalized gay marriage, I was tempted for about 15 minutes. Even though I was tempted, I quickly remembered that I have the perfect set-up now. Why would we want to go and fuck it up in California?

This is a hard concept for a lot of people I know to grasp. Even if Sly B was a man, I would not want to get married. I am queer. I don't want the same things that little girls who grow up dreaming of a white wedding want. I just don't. I want what I have. To get married seems like such a sad copy of heteronormativity to me.

Don't be mad, straight married friends o' mine. I'm happy for y'all. I really am. I just don't want to dress up and pretend to be like you. We're different. It's wonderful that we're different, isn't it?

So back to couple-hood. Man, am I blessed. I don't know how I deserve what I have with Sly B, but I'm hanging on to it. Nine years and counting - I sure hope we get to have 50 more.

Wish I Could Focus

I have been sort of off of my game here. I wish I could focus on one thing and write a nice long post. Instead, I have about 100 things to say. I've been working too many hours, and doing way too much multitasking to slow my brain down, I guess. I'll say some of the 100 things here:

• Connie, the assistant prosecutor on Law & Order, is hot. Neither Sly B nor I liked her at first, but now, we <3 her.
  

• I really dislike Ewan McGregor's acting. He's yucky - especially when he sings.

• Portly Dyke wrote an interesting bit on queer PDA. I recommend all my straight brothers and sisters check it out. I've been thinking a lot about it of late. Sly B and I celebrate our 9th illegal gay anniversary on Monday, and it's interesting/heartbreaking/infuriating to think that the number of times we have been affectionate with each other in public could be counted on one hand. As a queer girl who really got my 20s shit together in Fort Collins, CO where and when Matthew Shepard died in the hospital, I am pretty embarrassed to admit this. Portly Dyke has it right, though. I encourage everyone to check it out.

• I am 100% over white feminists. I am a white feminist, mind you, but I mean the White Feminists. These elitist hags need to get over themselves. Stop it. (I feel in my gut that I have more to say here, but . . . can't . . . focus . . .)

Just can't focus on one thing

• My company has finally gone completely batshit crazy. Today was the last day for a boss that I wasn't entirely unhappy to see go, even thought it was sad to see her go. There's big news coming down tomorrow . The bosses make big announcements but forget how to communicate with humans.
  

• We're watching as I type this The Empire Strikes Back. Princess Leah is such a nag.

• A solid friend told me that I have good coping skills recently. Considering the source, it was quite a compliment. I'm still thinking about it and wondering if I agree. I have managed to stay alive these 37 years, which is something.
  

• We finished Six Feet Under last week, and we both thought the last was the most boring season. Claire is hot, but boring. David and Keith are sweet, but bo-ring. Ruth is quirky and fun, but bo-o-o-ring.
  

• A husband/wife couple starts a business. A workmate of the wife at my jackass company says over and over again, "she's leaving us to go help her husband with his company." Feminists who've gone before us: be proud at how far we've come.

• The douchebag/non-douchebag ratio at the job continues to tip in favor of the douchebags.
  

Dear Everyone

I read and very much enjoy The Angry Black Woman blog. I highly recommend it to any of you. It's a great place to think about and engage in anti-racist thought and work. Recently/currently, ABW has had to contend with a huge influx of nastiness to her blog in the form of racist comments, hatred, and outright verbal attacks.

In case you missed it, Pat Buchanan is as crazy as a shit-house rat. Read this if you can stomach it.

ABW wrote on her feelings about it, which you can check out here. Then, a few days later, wrote a brilliant, as usual, response that you can check out here, which has since been linked to from some white supremacist sites. I recommend that you check all of that out, and read as many of the comments to the "Thank You, White People" post as you can. Then, subscribe to her feed. It'll make you smarter.

This post is not about any of that. What I want to say right now was inspired by ABW, or rather, by my frustrations when I read some of the comments on the "Thank You, White People" post. So here it is:

Dear my white brothers and sisters out there who are really interested in moving forward and not acting like jackasses:

YOUR INDIVIDUAL, PERSONAL SITUATION IS SO NOT THE POINT. When a Person of Color talks about their anger, or their experiences with racism, the fact that your ancestors did not own slaves/you are not a racist/your parents didn't pass bigoted assumption about other people on to you/you feel guilty/you are poor and don't feel like your life is better than any PoC's life/you try not to see color does not matter. If you have light skin/eyes/hair you benefit from white privilege. We cannot continue to bring a screeching halt to the very critical discussions about race with our own shit. Frankly, our society is hanging by a thin, thin thread because of this.

As a group, we white folks are very skilled at stopping uncomfortable discussions by talking about ourselves. If you really want to recite your genealogy as it related to race-relations, start a blog. Call it "My Genealogy As It Relates to Race Relations." Do not add that kind of information to a conversation about how to turn this fucked up civilization around. This is not about our singular experience. This is about historical and current institutions that are so much larger than what my momma said when nobody else was listening, and whether that made me as an individual feel good or bad about my white skin and someone else's brown skin, and whether or not I'm sleeping with a PoC, and whether or not I've got problems too. This, goddamn it, is not about whether or not great-great-great-great-GrandpappyBee ran a plantation. This is about getting to a place where what Pat Buchanan said hurts ME just like it hurts ABW. Where his comments and sentiments have real consequences for my life as well as ABW's life.

Love, EssBee

Racial Inheritance

If you haven't seen it yet, I highly, highly recommend that you go and read Alice Walker's brilliant essay "White People Have a Racial History Too", which she posted on Alternet a few days ago. Thanks to RR for turning me on to it.

Walker is one of the great teachers of our time. She is an elder for my generation of feminists. Every time I read something she writes, I become a little bit smarter.

Walker's comments about Obama are a refreshing break from the media's bullshit on the ongoing primary. The addition of her voice to the discussion about race and gender in this election is very welcome and necessary. I wish I could thank her.

Audacity

I am not a sentimental person. I freely admit to cynicism, in fact. I have very little faith in our electoral system, and really believe that in order to become a presidential candidate, a person has to have made some sleazy deals.

Imagine my surprise when, about five minutes ago, I read the full transcript of Obama's speech from early today and was brought to tears. This man is inspiring. To answer the bruhaha surrounding Rev. Jeremiah White's sermon that has gotten so damn much airtime this week with a speech like this is exactly the kind of courage that we need in The White House. If we are ever going to move forward, we have got to have the race conversation, and we have got to keep having it.

I've read lots of stuff lately about how, as feminists, it's our duty to support Clinton. First, fuck that. As feminists, it's our duty not to tell other feminists what their duty is. Second, my duty is to my multi-racial family - especially the young members of that family. Third, I would get behind a Clinton candidacy in a big way if she won the nomination. I would be thrilled to do so. Between Clinton and Obama, though, I go with Obama. Clinton hasn't brought this cynical bitch to tears. I vote with my emotion (and yes, I only have one).

I have never had hope around a Presidential election before (at the ripe old age of almost 37). It's a good, yet scary, feeling.

BookReview - Wild Seed

I'm sick today with a fever and an earache and general all-over crud. This has allowed me a bit of time to nap and finish Wild Seed by Octavia Butler this afternoon while Sly B got acquainted with our nephew and niece who are visiting from Canada. They, if you have to ask, are fabulous.

Wild Seed was one of those reads for me that was absorbing and fast. I got into the story quickly, and finished the almost 300 pages quickly. My job is from hell, mind, so "quickly" means during the short spurts I actually had to read the last few weeks. But that's another story for a day when i don't feel like hammered shit.

The book is about a demon named Doro who has lived for thousands of years. He breeds humans like cattle. He meets Anyanwu, a seemingly immortal African woman, and takes her into his family. Anyanwu is "wild seed" the type of genetic person that Doro is looking for as he builds his people. She is also a shape-shifter. After generations, it turns out that Anyanwu is the match that Doro has been looking for since almost the beginning of time. He couldn't control her as he did everyone else.

As a feminist, I was pretty troubled by how this story ended. Doro treats Anyanwu like a slave for hundreds of years. Can there ever really be a happily ever after from there?

I give this book 7 out of 10 nipples. I recommend it, because I enjoyed the journey, and would love one of y'all to read it so we can talk about it.

More Random

• I am rewarding myself with a lovely 90 Schilling Ale for surviving this work Monday without telling one or more of my bosses to suck it today. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. That's good.

• I finished Astonishing X-Men Volume 3: Torn, by Mr. Joss (da Boss) Whedon the other day. It was fantastic. I am so good at reading comics now, my mother (if she understood that I have a 12 year old boy trapped within my busty body) would be so proud. These X-Men collections are really exciting, and the cliff-hangers are real nail-biters.

• 
• Sly B's real Australian gift arrived (thank you 2RaysMama) today. I am so freakin' excited for her to get home and see it. By request, here is a photo of the accidental Legend of Dragoon gift that arrived instead when I first ordered the real thing way back in January. We have grown to love this little guy, here seen striking a pose next to my 1/4 full glass of ale.

• My buddy told me the other day that one of the folks I work with asked if I was married. For you straight folks: do you ever get mistaken for gay? What do you do? For my mo brothers and sisters: do you get mistaken for straight? What do you do?
  

Okay, enough for tonight. I'm ready for my dinner, maybe another ale, and my Octavia Butler book. Bachelor night, yo.

Torchwood Whiplash

Sly B and I have been having an ongoing discussion about the representations of race on Torchwood. I've been thinking about that issue a lot lately, and formulating a post on the subject for a few weeks. Today, I encountered two items on the show, and figured now was a good a time as any to get my thoughts out.

The first item, from where I stole the image above, was a really nice essay on Feminist SF - The Blog, which I read and enjoy occasionally. I think that Shannan Palma makes some great points that are similar to things that Sly B and I have been tossing back and forth as we enjoy the show. In a nutshell, why are the women of color (3 - 1 lead and 2 guests) on the show either evil aliens or sad and lonely singles? Click on the link to read her post, because she outlines this much better than I would have done.

The second item was a pretty homophobic and poorly done guest review on the latest episode of my favorite podcast, Slice of SciFi. It was really disappointing. Briefly, the reviewer, Just Terry, who I don't know anything about except he thinks he's really funny, said that he likes Torchwood but thinks there is too much gay stuff on it. He doesn't mind gay people, but wonders why we have to be hit over the head with it. If you want to hear it, don't say I didn't warn you -- it's linked at the beginning of this paragraph. Listen to the entire episode so your time isn't all the way wasted -- it's generally an outstanding show.

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I LOVE Torchwood. I think that it's got a queer vibe that The L Word tries and fails weekly to capture, and has great writing. It's outstanding SciFi, but also just a fun geeky soap opera. I have high hopes, like Shannan Palma, that the creators of the show will give Tosh something interesting to tackle so she doesn't have to continue playing the techie Asian who never gets laid, and is always on call and always willing to self-sacrifice for the job. The show is too good not to hope that it gets better.